LEAVING BEFORE THE RAINS COME

The following summary was helped with scribbled notes that were all over the place, and all in the group had so much input I could not keep up with writing them.  This to me is indicative that the book had so much in it, with her family, her past, her present, her history with Africa and the US. In some ways it was hard to take it all in and the book certainly needs further reflection.
But here goes:

Alexandra Fuller draws you in to her memoirs saying neither too much nor too little.  Her books hit right to the core and have something for everyone.  As an attest to the enjoyment of this book and people's love for this author, we had nine women in attendance (with one in absentia, Sheri, who forgot to come), Marylib, Maddy, Paige, Joan, Margie, Saran, Linda, Annie, all at Libby's home on Shilo Drive.
Linda started right off saying how much she has liked all of Fuller's books.  She mentioned that her titles are always amazing.  Libby said that the titles make you know she is a good author with great language skills.  Linda said that the titles never give you a hint about what the book is about, and it was fun hearing Linda process the book while she was talking.  Later she says she wished Fuller had elaborated more on the madness in the book of her mother and her family.
Margie said she was angered by Charlie's comment "bummer" early on in their marriage, and then she said it could be indicative about the drama that Fuller made in her life, similar to the heightened drama of her parent's lives, and that this was Charlie's way to just say "enough".  Perhaps this was an incredible insight into Fuller's psyche in her sharing of what effect she has on anyone, as the effect her parents had on her.
Maddy thought that Charlie's reaction may be indicative of his inability to really communicate.
Libby asked the question: at one point Fuller says "it's where we are that really counts".  Do you think she believes this?  In the book she says she knew as a teenager that if she ever left Africa, "an essential part of my connection with this earth would become forever detached, like a soulless body or a heartless lover." and later, "Africa had been my primary relationship for most of my life, defining, sustaining, and unequivocal in a way that no human relationship had ever been, with the exception of my parents, whom in any case, I could never separate from this soil."  It seemed her sense of place was so entrenched.
But Maddy points out later in the book, as she becomes uprooted from Africa and her marriage, "the truth is, I wasn't only not a good daughter of Africa, I was not a good daughter of anywhere...."  Her sense of place and self are so intertwined.  "I was a woman on the brink of free fall, and it was hard to be a good, acceptable woman in any language or in any place when simultaneously contemplating becoming undone.  For the first time, I was beginning to see that for a woman to speak her mind in any clear, unassailable, unapologetic way, she must first possess it."  For her, her final frontier is the mind.  It is knowing that you possess it.  In the US she has been give the freedom of her mind. "Freedom of speech". Do you have what it takes to be yourself?  She has a voice now and knows her own mind.
The whole book is about loss, loss of marriage, loss of identity, loss of land, but it is also a journey of Fuller's towards the freedom of her own mind.  This journey she took from her parents' trials. "And yet they incorporated these losses into their marriage along with what they had gained, assigning very little in the way of either blame or praise almost anywhere."  Fuller lays no blame in her book, rather, as Annie was wondering, she protects her children and her former husband with revealing very little about them, because ultimately it was a book about herself, a scary one for her to write.
Time is an important theme throughout the book as many in the group pointed out, including Annie.  As a child in Africa with her African cook, "tomorrow would always come around in more or less the same shape as yesterday, and time was meaningless, and we had nowhere else to go." Later she says, "until I came to the states, I believed I knew without any doubt that time could be linear only if you counted it not by the moon, or by a sundial, or even by a watch, but by the loneliness of your own relentless trudge toward death, as if yours was the only life to live and time was something to be endured until you had worn it out." Her dad told her, "time is only as heavy as the thoughts you have to push through it."  And he said, "the less you have to think about, the less time matters."
There were so many differences Fuller intuited between Africa and America.  The concept of time is so different, as well as how people think of land and wilderness.  In Africa there is no need to seek excitement out, it comes to you.  In the US there is a subculture of adventure seekers, perhaps because life is so much easier comfort wise.  Fuller felt she was a trespasser in the African bush, while Charlie felt he was supposed to be there on his own terms, that Africa was "recreationally pristine and friendly."  As for land for Africans, "there was no separation of soil and soul."  The way we treat the land is the way we treat everything, including ourselves.
Joan pointed out the telling passage said by her Dad, "Although it's worth remembering it isn't supposed to be easy.  Easy is just another way of knowing you aren't doing much in the way of your life.  But you're doing it, Bobo."
This is a book about the emotional challenges of forging any kind of relationship, with the land, family, spouses, friends, and especially yourself.  Fuller grew up in a disfunctional land and anxiety was a way of life.  but whether anxiety is from without or within, it can always have it affects.  Charlie Ross promised calm, security, and trust, yet ultimately she finds that lif itself has no certainty, that chaos and loss can happen at any time, anywhere.
Joan mentioned that her parents had no idea and didn't react in the way we thought they should have, with the rape of the two sisters by soldiers. Something like that must have had life long consequences and intense desire to find a safe haven in life. She had to learn to roll with the punches, so to speak, because of Africa and her parent's parenting style, and that never leaves someone.
We listened to a CD of her talk at the Sun Valley Writer's Conference and her voice came in loud and clear.  The CD reinforced our own perspective of Fuller.  She talks about the fact that we are all just little bits of energy flying about, much the way she constructs a book, making all of us grab those bits of energy and take them to heart.
Ultimately she says there is no self there.  "No me, just us."  Life is unavoidable and we are all in this together.  And the most important thing is that you need to laugh about it.

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