Atul Gawande, author of our January book, "Being Mortal", said this book "is not about a good death, but a good life--all the way to the very end." How does one live a meaningful life even in the face of terminal illness or debilitating old age?
This provided a framework for an interesting, varied dialogue. Our own stories enriched the discussion and illustrated how complex and unpredictable end of life experiences can be. From the "sacred hour" of a mother's final moments, to debates about whether or not to 'unplug' a mothers's life support. Or, the dying wishes of a brother; and the way a good friend "gracefully threaded her way through death". Moving accounts.
This was a well written book by a humane, curious man. Dr. Gawande is a surgeon, who questions the very system he works in and the pervasive attitude that aging and dying have become a "medical experience".
The sometimes graphic case studies were difficult for all to read, as well as the description of the aging process. This created a sort of love/hate feeling for the book, for some. But, these topics are often considered "unmentionables" in a culture that does not know what to do with it's elderly and dying. Gawande had the courage to bring this up, with all its accompanying pain and discomfort. He included a moving account of his own ordeal with the death of his beloved father.
The models of independent living were a source of enlightenment and encouragement for us. Dr. Bill Thomas and his "Eden Alternative" project was particularly memorable. As Gawande said, there are people in the world who "change imaginations". Advanced aging does not have to be left in the hands of hospitals and nursing homes.
We discussed how independence versus safety become difficult to sort out in the elderly. Does granting independence to our elderly then create a burden for their caregivers, who are often their children? If everyone in the country were on some sort of medicare, would that create a more level playing field for accessing specialized care, such as palliative or geriatrics?
All of us in this group are near or over 60. Growing old is a daunting prospect, for some more than others. As humans, we are biologically driven to adapt, and this is how we begin to face aging with grace and hope. For me and for those I love, this book gave tools to approach old age in a pro-active way, by having the courage to ask doctors the hard questions they won't ask. And most importantly, to make it known what it is I care about now and 20 years from now.
